Transcript: Women In Comedy

Comedy insider
Episode “Women in Comedy”

Christian Thom: Yes I do have a beamer; I keep it at my place in the Hamptons. Hi Christian Thom here, New York has the highest ratio of single woman to single men than any city in this country, nearly seven to one. And guys if you’re employed and bathe regularly, that number can double or even triple. So fella's if you cant make it here, you can’t make it anywhere. Oh and If you don’t have time to bathe, just throw on a European accent.
That works too. Yes, I keep my BMW with my Aston Martin in South Hampton. Aww, but enough about romance, whether a man or a woman its sink or swim when your up on that stage. And our boobs can not be used as a flotation device, unless they are really, really fake. So don’t call them female comics, they are just comics, and tonight comic Veronica Mosey, will tell us exactly what that means.
Guy in bed: Where’s my coffee?
Veronica Mosey: It’s frustrating really; I have tried this inline dating stuff. I don’t know if you guys ever tried this. Bu the worst thing about online dating in New York City is every body puts the same hobbies down. You know what the most popular hobby is? Hiking and biking. Just real quick where the fuck do you hike? Apparently there is no more elevators, you just repel down your elevators in the morning.
Christian Thom: Ok, how is it different being a female comedian, than being a male comedian?
Veronica Mosey: Uh less spots and you just don’t get as much of an opportunity. First of all I think you have to spend the first couple of minutes on stage proving that you’re funny. Because if they have seen one woman that is not funny, then they are just going to perceive that your not funny. And off stage, when you kill, like I always do. You come off stage and you end up having someone say you, you usually hate female comics but you are really funny.
There's one thing a guy wrote, I prefer women who like candle light dinners, and he had to specify that. I prefer women who like candle light dinners. And I don’t know a lot of women who don’t like candle light dinners, so was thinking like maybe he had a bad experience. Like maybe he made the dinner, and then lit the candles, and then she walked in and she was like, what the fuck! What’s with the candle light dinner you fucking asshole! You said we were going hiking and biking. Maybe she was like a burn victim, made candles.
Christian Thom: Now how do you navigate around that? Do you play differently to the women in the audience than you do to the men?
Veronica Mosey: No, I play the same to everybody. I want every single person in that crowd to like me. There is absolutely no reason for me to play to the women when I like men. I just think it puts you in a frame that’s it. Now you’re supposed to talk about getting your period and how men suck. Right ladies oh my god! Like I used to do a whole bit about that. I actually had a bit about female comics because I hated them so much. I hated the way they came out and put you in that category. And I think the problem is again you have to remember that you are representing the community.
I know it sucks but it’s the way it is. When you are a minority in any situation, you are representing the community. So if you’re a female comic and if you get up and all you talk about is how you cant meet a guy and all these women issues or female issues. Douching or whatever the heck it is. No on is interested. And then what happens is you just ruined it for the next girl because when she gets up on stage she has got to deal with the fact that guys are going to go, uh.
Do you ever get corrected by a kid? That sucks right. Especially when you cant say shit back because it’s like your friend’s kid, or your brother’s kid. I was at my sister in laws house and I was talking about this movie. And I was like the movie was so stupid, my nephew was like, that’s a bad word Aunt Veronica! And I was like, movie? I didn’t know what he was talking about. He is like stupid is a bad word, you shouldn’t say that word right mommy? And my sister in law backs him up because she is a fucking bitch right. And so she says to him like, yea, we don’t say the word stupid in this house. I was like yea, well that’s fucking stupid. Yea, and then I got into trouble again because apparently fucking is a bad word too.
Christian Thom: But despite some of the negatives, there is a lot of things that female comedians can get away with that I can’t. In your act you can talk about slapping kids and it’s cute, if I do that there is no other way for it to be perceived than angry.
Veronica Mosey: Yea, that is true, because anything said with a smile and a little wink gets you. I mean women can do that in many things with their lives. They don’t want to admit it, but they do. So yea I definitely can get away with more.
I just think we coddle our kids; they have to get hurt they have to hear bad things to learn how to handle. Like my brother and his wife have this six inch foam bumper. It goes like this around there kitchen table. So my nephew won’t hit his head on the table. Ok the best way for a kid to learn not to hit his head on the table is to let him run by and hit his fucking head on the table. Like let him run by and catch his eye lid right on the corner of it, you know what I mean? Or if it doesn’t happen organically that’s ok, just grab his fucking head and smash his face on the side of the table. And when he is on the ground be like, that was really stupid. Lesson learned right?
In the beginning of my career I dressed in miniskirts and boots and shit and I thought if I look sexy on stage. If I look hot, then people will pa attention to me. But I found out it is actually the opposite. You really can look sexy and attractive, but you can’t look slutty. There is kind of a fine line. Once you do that then people say oh we are not going to pay attention to what she is saying.
Christian Thom: Well that s all they are focused on.
Veronica Mosey: Right, exactly. And when women say well I want men to respect me for my brains and not my body it’s like… Yea, but all your doing is expressing what a whore you are, so therefore that show you’re going to be portrayed. It is frustrating to me at the club I will see girls come in and they will be completely blitzed or they will be and I am this guy and I will completely rag on them, I will rip them to shreds. And it makes them hopefully look at themselves and go home and say geez, I look like a real moron. For the most part is usually works. Yea, but otherwise I get yelled at by some girls whose like this. At the end of the show like, I can’t believe you said that about me. Like I am stupid, I sound stupid, stupid? I can’t stand the way they say that shit.
One thing I can’t stand in this town is protesters. I think protesters need to work on their shit, ok? First of all get a job. I never understand where these people work ever, they just write signs in marker. And I heard these people protesting the war, that’s cool. But they kept chanting 2, 4, 6, and 8 down with anger down with hate. 1,3,5,9 occupations is a crime. And I was like odd numbers are not cool in a protest. The 2 4 6 8 we have heard that, it rhymes with hate or discriminate or irate right? 1 3 5 9, never mind that there is no seven in there.
A woman a female comic just need to know who she is; if you know who you are you have all different aspects you can talk about. You don’t have to just talk abut being a woman. And you are a human being, you have a million different things going on in your life, you don’t have to do that. And all the women who have made it big have never had sexually specific material.
You know Ellen DeGeneres is a lesbian, she doesn’t talk about being a lesbian ever, and she just talks about life and living. Roseanne Barr, domestic goddess routine, more about family it wasn’t about I am a girl. It was all about family and how she perceived life. So I think if you want to become a respected female comic, or respected comic. Just, you know, kind of forget that you are a girl. I essentially think you just have to be who you are, be a person.
Christian Thom: I try to do that.
Veronica Mosey: I know you do. I hope you figure you out soon, that would be nice.
Veronica Mosey: Hey I am Veronica Mosey, thanks a lot guys I had a great time.