Comedy Insider Episode: “On the road” Christian Thom: Hi, Christian Thom here in China Town, one of the ironies of being a comedian is. You move to New York to become a comedian, but in order to make money as a comic you have got to work out of town gigs. So that means lots of traveling. Now personally I just got back from the real china, and it’s funny to notice the little cultural differences when you are away. For instance New York runs on take out food. Here it is per4fectly acceptable to walk down the street while you’re eating your lunch. In Europe same thing only they call it take away. But in china they actually have a sit down rule, because it’s considered rude to stand up while you eat. So it is just interesting to note how these little cultural habits are reversed. Because here in the west after we have eaten we have then applied the sit down rule to defecation, where as over there it’s more crouching tiger than hidden dragon. So being funny means pending a lot of time away from home and comedian Mike Siscoe is one of the biggest road dogs working the circuit today. What’s the longest you have been on the road? Mike Siscoe: Longest, about eight weeks, and straight. Eight weeks and that was all over the Pacific Northwest to the Midwest to the south west and then back up to Seattle. You’re performing at least five nights a week. And then on the weekends you are doing two sometimes three shows. So you end up doing about ten shows in the week. But its better, it better; now it’s like every other week and its here in the tri-state area. I am just going to Jersey, to Pennsylvania; if I have to I will go all the way out to Duluth Minnesota. Thank you, thank you guys. I should probably get one thing straight I am not your typical New York comic, I am actually what am known as a road comic. I play all over the country I play over seas a lot. And in fact one thing I have learned about playing on the road is its very hard to be American nowadays. Seriously when I go over seas I get a bunch of shit because I a ma American. Like I went over seas to Canada, check this one out right. You got it I don’t really got to explain it to you do I cause it’s really not for you guys, it lets me know what I am working with. Because if you don’t get it the bar is right down stairs it’s got lots of shiny bottles to look at. Yeah. Christian Thom: Now when you’re out there how do you tailor your act for local audiences? Mike Siscoe: It depends on the town. One of the things I have really learned on the road was how to read an audience. To look and see who’s in my house tonight is it a bunch of old people? Well, there not going to get biatch, you know? There not going to get any kind of young MTV references. So, tailor it. Are they loud and drunk? Then I have to be louder than them. So that was the skill you have to learn how to read the audience. And then I have to know where I am. Am I in a red state or a blue state? I do a lot of political kind of material a lot of social commentary. Sometimes you just cut it out a little bit. Sometimes you trim it down. I have learned to say it in a nice way, and I have learned not to come at them and say I am right you’re wrong. I don’t want those people to pay goo d money to see a show that they hated. Christian Thom: And you’re a guest in there house. Mike Siscoe: Exactly, I am a guest and this is their town and there thing I want them to have a good time as well. I was at Montreal for New Years, and this French Canadian guy starts giving me shit because I am an American. Hey, cowboy. Big bad American, welcome to Canada huh? At leas there in Canada we don’t torture. The hell you think your don’t, I sat through that whole Celine Diaz thing in Las Vegas, the whole time wishing I was in Guantanamo bay. Please Jesus put me in a naked cell somewhere. Let a retarded girl from West Virginia take a snapshot with my nut sack. Oh click, click. Christian Thom: What’s the worst hotel you have ever stayed in? Mike Siscoe: The worst hotel is right up there, it’s the economy lodge in Greensborough North Carolina. It’s a crack house really. I am sitting there late at night its 3:00 in the morning, I hear knocks at the door. You want a date sugar, you want a date. There’s cars… Christian Thom: So they had room service? Mike Siscoe: Well, yea, for crack whores. There are gunshots in the middle of the night. When you pull back the sheet sand you see a stain and the only thing on your mind is the best thing this could be is blood. That’s the best it could be. You want to move on. The thing is I can’t blame the guy for being mad at America. I mean seriously we haven’t given the world a lot to laugh at in what like six and a half years. I think the funniest thing we have done in six and a half years was when dick Cheney shot that dud in the face. I have heard people say that was a tragedy; no fuck you that was funny. It was funny when bugs did it to daffy; it’s even funnier in real life. I firmly believe that every comic should play the road. That it’s a right of passage, that you’re not a complete comic without it. You don’t know what the rest of America thinks. If you just play the big cities. I have played LA and I have played New York, and their distinctive audiences, but there not the same as Peoria. There not the same as Minnesota, or even Nebraska. Each one has its different feel. Each one has its own sense of humor, and you have got to know what that is like. It is going to make you a well rounded comedian. Not only that but In La, you know you are only getting ten minutes a night. So many times here in the city you are only getting ten minutes a night. If you start to get fame you start to get noticed and recognized people are going to say, can you come out to our club, we will give you five thousand dollars for the weekend we want you to be here. And they are going to expect you to have 60 minutes of material, and if you never put sixty minute together. Christian Thom: Well we know the disaster stories. Mike Siscoe: Oh yeah, there huge, there’s guys who have had like great 25 minute sets, and then for the next 35 minute people are going… In the last election I only wanted one thing and that was to feel good again. I wanted to go back in time when America was peaceful and prosperous. Back in time when Fallujah was just a black girls name you know. So I wrote in my candidate, I wrote in Bill Clinton, because that’s the last time I felt good. You know, and I have had people all over this country say, Bill Clinton lied to America, he lied to the people. Of course he did he fucked a fat chick you think that’s going to come out in a news conference? Who says banging a fat girl is a crime then lying about it I mean I am a five time felon and so are most of the guys here man. I personally I really enjoy playing some of the small towns, because everybody comes out. Christian Thom: And there really appreciative. Mike Siscoe: They love you! Christian Thom: You came to them. Mike Siscoe: Yeah, they dot get entertainment, everybody’s there. They don’t say by to you and drink; everybody wants to shake your hand afterwards. You know they put me on the radio, hey special guest in town. And they hype you up, people are in line and when I walk by the line there like. Oh my god, that’s Mike Siscoe and its like really, really, because in New York I can’t get bagels without somebody cutting in front of me. You’re the closet thing to a celebrity they have got in town and they love you for it. I don’t get all that hate man, if two gay guys want to get married so what that doesn’t bother me. If two lesbians want to get married so what that doesn’t bother me I am in the corning watching I don’t care if the notice us. Seriously, I just don’t think I could be a minster at a lesbian wedding. You may now kiss the bride, slowly… I mean on the road you eat poor, you drive for hours and hours and hours. You play in front of drunks, you get ripped of by club owners, and you get ripped off by bookers. Your car breaks down, I wish I could have a normal job that I have weekends off and I can have insurance and I can have a house. And I can have the whole thing but I can’t. I just have to go on the road every now and then and I have to do my comedy and I have to perform. And that’s it that’s all I can do with my life. Christian Thom: That’s the answer. Mike Siscoe: Yeah, that’s it. That’s all I want to. Christian Thom: You’re happy? Mike Siscoe: Oh so happy. I’m whipped. Thank you folks my name is Mike Siscoe you guys have been a lot of fun.